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Monday, July 16, 2012

Intentional Relationships


There should never be any action committed or word spoken that you cannot justify Biblically.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the stregnth of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26

As our pastor encourages me from the pulpit and his wife via text daily, I have decided to live intentionally. Although most do not speak with their pastor’s wife daily, I have been very blessed that she has offered to keep me accountable during this time of intentional living. Much like my police husband has done for many years with many individuals seeking to better their lives, I speak with her briefly on a daily basis to focus myself on doing things daily that are worth doing. I suppose step one for living intentionally is to become accountable.
This concept is really less about efficiency in the beginning and more about being beneficial to the Kingdom and to those with whom God has entrusted you. When I learned to play softball as a tween, there was a lot to take in. Learning to swing a bat taught me a great deal about how seemingly simple tasks can be tremendously intricate when you begin to break them down. Everything seemed to matter when it came to my swing. My initial stance, hand eye coordination, how much I had practiced that week, who was there to see my play, my timing, the “breaking” of my wrist just as the ball hit the bat, even the state in which my legs were tangled after the swing factored in. There were seemingly thousands of movements in perfect order to be executed at the blink of an eye in order to ensure success. What is the secret? You guessed it… Practice!
Whatever you do, work heartily as for the Lord and not for men. Clossians 3:23
The reason we are willing to put in the effort to get good at something is because we love and want it. Why else would we sacrifice time and comfort for it? The question today is… Are we sacrificing our time and comfort for the people we love and want?
Above all things have intense and unfailing love for one another. 1 Peter 4:8
I don’t have to remind you of the intense LOVE and WANT God has for you, nor do you need to be reminded of the gut wrenching scene in which Jesus stepped forward and was brutally crucified, in his innocence for the sins that YOU and I committed.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16
Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13
With His impeccable sacrifice fresh in our minds, I offer these ideas to help you refocus on those with whom God has entrusted you.  As followers of Christ, we have relinquished the right to determine whom we will love, but this will help you focus in on deliberate relationships within your
home.
No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who LOVE Him. 1 Cor. 2:9

I lack experience in the area of sibling relationships as I was an only child until I was 14. By that time, I was so tired of being alone that I saw my brothers as beautiful blessings, team members, allies, and we fought very little because of that. In an effort to be sure my son and daughter feel the same way about each other, we spent the day executing these activities…

1.       The following link will offer you the opportunity to take a test that explains each of Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages. As an intense supporter of this concept, I can tell you, it will change your life!!!
I had each of my children take the quiz of 20 questions and the results were displayed immediately.
2.       My children then took turns listing examples of actions, phrases, activities, experiences etc. that make them feel loved, while the other child took notes on a “Cheat sheet for how to treat my Sibling.”

3.       Once each child had looked over the “cheat sheet” for themselves and had given the “OK” on the items listed, we then took a moment to plan a surprise. For example, my daughter ended up having a very strong “Words of Affirmation” response so, I helped my son pick out a cute blank notecard from my collection and he wrote her a note thanking her and letting her know that he loved her. My son had a huge draw to “Quality Time” so my daughter planned a time where she would just play cars with him in his room, and show a cheerful spirit. 

This activity was a tremendous success!!! 

The concept of loving someone and having them miss out on feeling that love is just heartbreaking. The 5 Love Languages theory has taught our family how to “translate.” Because of this activity, I realized the intense value my son places on individual time with those he loves, and I can better understand how he can be negatively affected if a relationship with him is not valued in this fashion. Also, I would have never realized that doing the dishes and mowing the lawn meant that my husband was madly in love with me had I not read this book with him. I will now know that when my daughter is hurting a kind word and a Bible verse will do her more good than a hug. This is valuable information since when I am hurting, I just want to be held.  

Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. Jeremiah 17:7

It will take time to learn how to translate the actions of the people who love you into a reminder that you are loved, and ultimately the FEELING of being loved. There are a great deal of intricacies associated with this idea, but knowing that you are heading toward a deeper understanding of how to meet the needs of those you love and feel them loving you on a much deeper level is exciting. I LOVE that idea, and I WANT to experience this! You won’t be tremendously efficient at first but the benefits are totally worth it and as I said before, practice makes perfect.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phillippians 4:13 

Since we tend to love people the way we want to be loved, taking time to LEARN what THEY need, instead of giving whatever comes naturally is certainly a way to create a DELIBERATE RELATIONSHIP within your home.

Prayer: Dear Lord, Draw us into a closer relationship with you, that we may find favor with you. Let us grow daily into the men, women, and families of God that you would have us to be. We love You so dearly and own our every breath to You. Guide our hearts, words, actions, and decisions that they may bring honor and glory to You. Give us the hearts of servants as we seek to make diciples. Cleanse our spirits and our minds, in the holy and precious name of our savior, Jesus Christ, we pray. Amen.

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